This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
