Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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