Already got asked if we're dating
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
