I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
