so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
