Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
