Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You were trust falling into bushes
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
