gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
