i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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