I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
