OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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