the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i out mim tonsoeep
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