Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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