the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
