Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
