he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
