just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
