Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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