My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
