He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
All I want is dick and wine.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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