why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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