All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Still dying that you shit outside
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
