im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize