my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Drake has all the answers
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
