he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
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Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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