idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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