I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
