I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
