she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
