all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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