Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
