Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
