So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
