dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
