Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Houston, we have a blender
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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