oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
