Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
