I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
