i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize