guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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