I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
