At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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