i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
