Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
