she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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