that's an acceptable place to lick
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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