I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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