Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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