It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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