I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
