it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
