Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
