I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
