A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Randomize
