i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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