I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
