the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just invented taco cereal.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
