No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
