I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
