The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
