I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
