If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm like, not good at living.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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