and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
