Need sex. Gaining weight.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize