I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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