Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
