So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
