Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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