i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think my fart just growled at me.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm sobbing to NWA
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
