Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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