idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
