Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
