I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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