He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
