Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she pinky promised me she was 18
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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