one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize