she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
