I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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