well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
