Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
