i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
