His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize