i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
